I'm sharing it all in this episode! It's raw, it's vulnerable, it's just me. I was honored to be a guest on Simone and Olivia Knego's podcast "Daughter Dearest" about my life, my struggles, my career, and how I have embraced authenticity to truly live my own beautiful PA life. I've done a lot in my career, but truly embracing myself has been an instrumental part to finding that balance. I hope that hearing my story might make you feel less alone. I’ve struggled just like you--I’m doing my best. I’m not perfect. But even the imperfections are part of the beauty of my life. :)
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About this Episode
The 'Daughter Dearest' Podcast recently rebranded to 'Her Unshakeable Confidence' Podcast with dynamic mother-daughter duo Simone and Olivia Knego and focuses on the secrets of transformation and how to build bold confidence and unwavering resilience. From intimate conversations with inspiring guests to sharing their personal journeys of triumph and challenge, Simone and Olivia create a supportive space where every woman is encouraged to rise above her fears and love the woman in the mirror. Tune into 'Her Unshakeable Confidence' and join this special journey of connection and growth. It's like catching up with old friends who inspire you to be bravely and uniquely you.
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Welcome to today’s episode of A Beautiful PA Life Podcast. Thank you so much for being here and supporting me. I want you to know that I am so proud of you for taking time for yourself to create your beautiful PA life. This episode is dropping on Sunday at midnight so maybe you’re working the night shift like me and listening at work. Or maybe you are listening on a walk to the Farmer’s Market which is my favorite activity on a Sunday morning, or maybe you’re listening on your drive to work on Monday as you’re starting your PA week—I hope that wherever you are, that I can inject a sense of ease into your week because you deserve time for yourself and time to create your beautiful PA life.
Today, I’m really pulling back the curtain on my own beautiful PA life. I am humbled and honored to share a conversation that I had on my friend Simone & Olivia Knego’s podcast.
I’m sharing my story—the raw, emotional, authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect parts. And maybe you identify with some of the struggles I’ve had in my life and my career. I truly believe that vulnerability is the key to connection and healing. Sharing these parts of myself and my life with you takes an immense amount of courage. One of my personal values is authenticity and sharing your struggle. I hope that hearing my story might make you feel less alone. I’ve struggled just like you as a PA. I’m doing my best. I’m not perfect. But even the imperfection is part of the beauty of my life.
And could I ask a favor? If you see my Instagram posts this week pop up on your feed, could you share with me your favorite part of your beautiful PA life? I want to see your faces and be inspired by your story too, and share my immense gratitude for listening to the show. Without further ado, thank you for listening and I hope you enjoy this episode.
Self care is not selfish. Oh, yes. I feel like a lot of people still struggle with that. Especially women struggle that if they're taking care of themselves, then they're not taking care of their family. They're taking time away from their family. They're taking time away from their job, whatever it is. So, I mean, what are your thoughts on that?
So there's, there's definitely this kind of martyrhood complex that happens not only in health care, but I think, I'm not a mother, but I think in motherhood as well, where we think that the way that we can show the most love and care for our children or for our patients is is by giving all of ourselves.
Welcome to the daughter dearest podcast with dynamic mother daughter duo, Simone and Olivia Knego, where they discuss the secrets of transformation and how to build bold confidence and unwavering resilience from intimate conversations with inspiring guests.
Hi everyone, welcome to this week's episode of the Daughter Dearest podcast. I'm Simone Knego. And I'm Olivia Knego. And today we have a very special guest and I think it's going to be an amazing conversation. So, let's get started. So, let's get started. Welcome, Rachel LaCosta. Yeah, we're so excited that you're here.
Rachel is a physician associate. We're going to talk about that in a few minutes because I haven't heard that term before, so I'm really excited about that term. With keen insight into the PA landscape. As a clinician, Rachel is a pioneer in her field, advancing PA practice and pediatric oncology and locum tenens implementation in several renowned hospital systems.
A trusted PA voice, Rachel is a sought after keynote speaker. If you saw her speaker kit, you would see how many places she has spoken. It is like crazy. Valued for her applicable data driven insights. She has spoken at dozens of national, regional, and subspecialty PA conferences, academic institutions, and expert panels.
A doctorate trained educator, Rachel incorporates adult learning theory with an engaging presentation style to connect with the audience and impart impactful change. Rachel is Passionate about empowering PAs to find success, balance, and sustainability in the PA profession. Rachel's podcast, a beautiful pa, life, will launch in July, 2024.
We definitely wanna talk about that. Mm-Hmm. . In the podcast, Rachel will share tools for thriving beyond healthcare burnout because every PA deserves to create their uniquely beautiful PA life. Rachel, we're so happy that you're here with us today. Thank you. I'm so delighted to be here with you. Thank you for the invitation.
Absolutely. So let's start with just telling us a bit more about yourself. Sure. I know that's an open ended question. Yeah, no, totally. And, um, I think this is a great conversation starter because I heard on the Dan Harris podcast, um, he was talking about this question that we so commonly ask people of, you know, you meet someone for the first time and it's like, Oh, hi, my name's Rachel.
And they ask, Oh, hi, Rachel. What do you do? That's so commonly the first question. Yeah. So I'm pushing against that. And you've just read my bio and I'm going to highlight what the rest of my beautiful PA life looks like. And, you know, I, I've gotten so much joy and fulfillment out of my career, but what I found in the course of my life and my career is thathaving, having fulfillment and identity outside of my career is what's actually allowed me to enjoy my career.
And so I'm very proud to be some other identities that I'm very proud of are. Very proud to be a friend. Um, I think I'm a really, really good friend. Um, a sister. I love baking. I'm a Swifty. Been to the heiress three different countries. Wow. Wow. Um, and I am a proud San Diegan. I live in America's finest city.
And my absolute favorite thing to do is to go for a walk in this beautiful city. I am very fortunate to live near Balboa park and going for a walk, listening to a podcast, sipping my favorite cup of coffee. Do you have a dog? I do not have a dog. Okay. That would be the perfect completion to the picture, wouldn't it?
Yeah. I was picturing a dog.So one of my best friends from high school actually is a PA for a dermatologist in San Diego. Oh my goodness. Yeah. And, um. Well, I'd love to meet her. Yeah, I know. I was like, oh, okay. Close connection there. What a small world. I know. It's always, it's always a small world. It's a small PA world too.
Yeah, for sure. Um, so I love that you started with that because I do think that's what we do so often is two things we do is what do you do? And how are you like the worst question? And I catch myself still doing that. Like I walk into, Anywhere. And I'm like, how are you? I'm like, Oh my gosh, what a dumb question.
What a loaded question. How about what's been the best part of your day so far? Something like that versushow are you? Oh my gosh. What has brought joy to your day today? Yeah. Cause I mean, or what hasn't brought joy to your day, whatever it is, you know, there's definitely a more specific question. Well, and I think that that's exactly it.
I think we are so habitualized in our interactions and our conversations with people without being intentional. And I think if we actually are intentional about, you know, I did the exact same thing when I was buying a sandwich for lunch today. I said, how are you to the person taking my order? And as I was saying those words, I was like, I,this is not what I actually want to say to this person.
And I want to give them a greeting. Um, You know, I, so I think intentionality is something thatis important and something we don't really do very well. For sure. And I'm working on it. I'm working on it because I say this out loud all the time, but then I walk into a place and I forget that I want to say something different.
And then I'm kind of like backpedaling. Actually, I don't really want to know how you are. I want to know this, you know, and Right, right. It's kind of, kind of a little ridiculous to do it that way, but you know, we do what we can. Right. It's right. That's right. So there's another part of your identity that we would love to hear about.
Yeah. I read in your bio and it has to do also with, and because this is a mother daughter podcast, the response that your mother gave you when you told her big news. You, you tell us the big news. Thank you. Thank you, Simone. Um, so I was raised in a very religious conservative family and I want to emphasize that it was a very loving family.
Um, but it was a very strict religious. upbringing. And so as I was in college and dating and, you know, sort of like dipping my toes into this dating world for the first time, I noticed that I was having attractions to women. And this thisinternal struggle of basically living Or acknowledging and being proud of my own truth, my own self, my own authenticity versus the person that I was trying to be to please my parents.
I am absolutely a people pleaser. It's something that I've been working on for many years and I think for a lot of my life, I tried to be the person that That I thought that my parents wanted me to be. And as a result of that, I really denied so many of my, so much of my own authenticity and reallyneglected myself in, in many ways.
And so I ended up, um, marrying my college boyfriend and. You know, we had many happy years together, but we also had a lot of really hard years and ultimately, uh, became divorced and. In the process of this intricately linked to the divorce and intricately linked with, you know, the, the struggles that I was having in my marriage was that I was unhappy because Ireally felt internally that this was not A fulfilling relationship for my own personal sexual desires and needs, right?
And that I was denying this part of myself and ultimately came out to, you know, all of my people, my friends, my family as lesbian. And the coming out to my parents was obviously a very big step in this process, right? And I had a lot of fear of rejection from them. And Not because they gave me any indication like directly, but I really didn't even give them a chance to show up for me and accept me.
So I kind of got to a point where I, I realized that I was living such a facade of a life to my parents and I mean, ultimately in my entire life, right? Like to so many of my closest people. And I just decided that I didn't want that facade anymore, that the relationship that I had with my parents. With that facade being the me that they saw felt so inauthentic, didn't feel like I was living in integrity, like being my true self and showing my true self.
And ultimately I decided that I cared more about my parents knowing me for who I am and risking the chance of rejection. And. It, it actually turned out to be a really beautiful moment. I actually hadn't planned to come out to them when I did. It was over Thanksgiving a couple of years ago, and we'd had a really nice Thanksgiving.
It was, I think the day after Thanksgiving and they were about to take me to the airport that morning. And we were just sitting around the kitchen table drinking coffee. And, um,it just felt right in that moment that it was the right moment to tell them. And so I just kind of listened to that part of myself that.
Felt that it was right. And, and so I told my parents and they, the very first thing they said to me was, Rachel, we love you. You are our daughter. We will always love you.And that was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. Exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. And there was no, you know, ifs, ands, or buts, you know, with, with that, there's, in fact, my dad even said to me, there's no conditionality in this love that, um, uh, uh, the parents love to their child is unconditional.
And. That, that really, interestingly enough, has been a factor, the biggest factor in repairing the relationship with my parents fromthe, I mean, the, the trauma, the struggle that did come from, from that, from my upbringing. Absolutely. I, I think about that with my, my kids, and I know that no matter, what they choose in life, who they are, right?
I mean, whatever parts of them it, all of them, no matter what, like I, you know, I don't, I don't know, like as a kid of yours, there's always the stress of disappointing you. And obviously in our family, that's never a worry. Um, at least in like the aspect of coming out as anything in the LGBTQ community. But there is always like, there are some things that like, You're my mom and I tell you everything like literally I can't keep a secret.
It eats me up But like there is a part of me that's like, oh, I have to tell her but she's gonna be disappointed Mm hmm. Mm hmm. That's what my kids say They're their biggest fear is is you know, they people would ask them like does she yell a lot? you know, you have six kids you must yell a lot and I really don't, but they're, they said that what they're afraid of is if I ever say that I'm disappointed and I would never be disappointed about, you know, I'm disappointed about when you, when you tell me that you had a test coming up and you knew it was coming up and you tell me you're studying and then you tell me, you know what, I didn't study.
You know that I'm disappointed in, but who you are, and no, he didn't get into the next math level. Yeah. Who you are. I mean, I, I love my kids unconditionally. And so I love that. That's their response was because I think that's so important as parents, because there is this thing, I think from our kids that they have these fears that.
We're going to reject them in some way or we're not going to love them or all these different things and I think it's so important that we verbalize that I will never not love you. You know, I, this is so true. And I mean, Simone, thinking about your own children, would you rather have a relationship with your child that is not?
A relationship with who they really are, or would you rather them risk the fear of disappointment, right, but you actually know who they are, like, even talking about not studying as well for the test as you could have that.Sharing that with a parent or anyone, sharing that is showing your true self is showing vulnerability and that is, I mean, Renee Brown, like vulnerability is the key to true connectionand it just, I can't even tell you how much of a difference it has made in how much closer I feel to my parents now.
Yeah, I. I tell, like, one of the big things in our house is that we want them to be completely honest about everything, right? I mean,if you are going out to a party and you're gonna drink, I want you to tell me because I want you to be safe. I, we, Olivia and I did an episode about this a couple weeks ago about drinking and, you know, I, I heard it.
Yeah. So, uh, I know what kids are going to do, I, but I want them to be honest and actually in our house lying is double the punishment. Tell me the truth. Like that's all that matters is that I just want my kids to be safe and happy. And that's it. Right. I mean, sure. I'd like you to study for your test more, but, um, you know, that's just, that's just This was not about me.
Just for all the listeners. Like, I'm not, I have a couple more weeks till law school starts. I'm also not taking any variation of math, nor will I be taking any math. Just to be clear, just to be clear. I study. I do. You're so funny. Well, and I think another piece of that is the perfectionism piece, right? I internalized such a high degree of perfectionism, and one huge breakthrough that I had, um, a few months ago was that, I realized that I put higher expectations on myself than my parents ever put on me.
I actually very much relate to that. I pressure myself way more than you guys ever did. And I really don't know where it comes from. Why is that? Yeah, because especially with my dad, uh, his role was like, the grades don't matter as long as I saw you put in the effort. Um, and I, I like, I wasn't always this way.
Like I wasn't always like maintaining a straight A average, but I don't know if it was something with college or just high school, like the need to make myself better. Even though I'm doing the best I can, it's just always there. I think you are also really surrounded by other, your, your friend group is, they're all high achieving, like they all work really hard.
And so they, I think that's a big factor in it for you where, yeah, I mean, We, we wanted you to be successful, but success, you define your own way, right? Absolutely. And part of being successful is being happy, right? So that's a huge part of it. If you're not happy, you're not successful. I mean, you can have the most money in your bank as you can imagine, but if you're not happy, forget about it.
That's not success. That's admissible. That's being able to buy a nice car, but that's about it. Oh, yeah. So I kind of, I want to go back to being a PA. Um, and I know we, mom mentioned it in the beginning. I didn't know about the PA renaming the profession. I think that's fabulous because the whole idea of,people that can literally prescribe you medication and go through years of training.
Just being called assistants is kind of silly. Thank you. Like, cause also like a PA, I'm, I have a business degree, a PA in the, well, the business is a personal assistant, very different than a production assistant. Yeah. It could be multiple. Yeah. Yeah. So what field of medicine do you work in? So I practice in pediatric oncology, which is children that have a cancer diagnosis.
Okay. That's taxing. I can imagine that is the reaction that I get from everyone. Yeah, I'm, I'm sure you have great moments, obviously, but obviously with great moments comes bad ones. Right, right, right. And usually the next follow-up question is how do you do it? How do you do that? Yeah, it's, it's interesting because actually Liv, I don't know if you know this, but um.
I do know this. Your dad, I already knew that when? Yeah, when he was in medical school. That's what he said he wanted to be, was a pediatric oncologist and then he spent time in pediatric oncology and he just couldn't stop. Crying. I mean, it was like, yes, Rob, we're talking about you. He's like, don't talk about me anymore.
No. But shout out to dad. Like he has been like, and my mind at least like beat this whole idea of men not being softies. Like my dad's a softie. Absolutely. Mine too. Oh, he called me the other day about, um, patients and he was just like very, very upset about it. And I was like, oh gosh, okay. Yeah. This is good though.
It's good for men to feel emotions. Obviously. It's very, it's very. Normalize that. Right. Right. Yes. And it's, you know, the field of medicine is very personal. So I appreciate that you have gone into this field and embrace it because I know how tough it has to be. Just as a mom, I know how tough it has to be, you know, and.
Having to kind of have these conversations and work with children and a lot of times, you know, they're not going to survive, but you have to bring this upbeat personality every day to the job. So, I guess the question is, how do you do it? Well, you know, thank you. The, the thing is, and the reason why I love caring for this patient population, is that children just want to feel normal.
They just want to do the normal things that kids that their age are doing that they were doing before their diagnosis. They, they just want to do the things that bring them joy, that they're passionate about and spending time with their friends and their family and playing sports and, um, you know, doing normal kid things, going to school.
And. I will say there is a lot more joy than there is pain, at least in my experience as a PA practicing in pediatric oncology, but truthfully, the way that I'm able to do it. Is that I have to take really good care of myself. I have to, because I, it is so important to me to show up for these kids as my best self, to show up as the best PA that I can, so that I am clear headed and able to make the, you know, the right clinical decisions for these children as they literally facing a life threatening disease and.
If I am not caring for myself, then I'm not doing the best for my patients. So actually, taking care of myself is the best way in which I can provide the best care to my patients. Do you feel like you get, because I know for me, I talk about Self care is not selfish all the time. Oh, yes. I feel like a lot of people still struggle with that, especially women struggle that if they're taking care of themselves, then they're not taking care of their family, they're taking time away from their family, they're taking time away from their job, whatever it is.
So, I mean, what are your thoughts on that? So there's, there's definitely this kind of martyrhood complex that happens, not only in healthcare, but I think I'm not a mother, but I think in motherhood as well, where we think that the way that we can show the most love and care for our children or for our patients is by giving all of ourselves to the people in our lives.
But really and truly, I mean, as they say, you know, put on your oxygen mask first, you cannot. Care for someone else. If you continue to neglect yourself and you get to a place where you are struggling with burnout, where you're struggling with depression, where you're struggling with anxiety. And I know this because I've been there because I've been there many times where I have neglected myself and fallen into a deep depression, a deep anxiety, and several very difficult, uh, patches of burnout.
And certainly in those moments, I, I struggled to think clearly. I struggled to be efficient. You know, you, you can't, and it's not about productivity necessarily, but you cannot, you cannot serve others if you don't do not serve yourself first. Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. Is there a specific thing for you that works for self care?
I mean, I know like for me, I'm all over the board. It depends on the day what really works for me, but is there something specific that you turn to when you really need that time? You know, I am also all over the board too. And I, I'm very careful to not be perfectionistic about it. I don't have this one morning routine that I do every single day or this one nighttime routine that I do every single day.
And my, I actually work as a travel PA, um, at, uh, children's hospital, not in San Diego. And so I'm traveling a lot for work, you know, and not. In my own home in my own space and so it takes a lot more intentionality because of that I'm not in my same environment all the time, but I think that the best tip that I have are the best strategy that I have for myself is to really focus on creating and and creating moments and saving time for yourself and when You have a busy shift and you don't have the ability or the time to, you know, go to a workout class after work because you're so exhausted.
How can you find time in your day to take care of yourself? Some things that I love is, uh, meditations on a meditation app. You know, just for me, sometimes just listening to a meditation is. It's, it's passive, but it's also doesn't take as much energy. Um, as the meditations like being read to me, I really like that all in the middle of my shift.
I'll go and walk the stairs. I work in a hospital that's 12 floors and, you know, walk the stairs for 10 minutes and get, you know, my heart rate up a little bit. Um, and I write in a, I have a five year journal with one page per day and I, I try to write something in that journal every day. That's great. I write every day, but I don't write in my journal every day.
I've been neglecting my journal. Yeah, I haven't this summer. This summer has just been chaotic for me, but I've been neglecting my journal for real. It's hard. Well, and that is, is exactly how I, when I find myself in burnout and where I'm really struggling with my anxiety and feeling like I'm not enough and I'm not good enough and, you know, feeling so hopeless.
Every single time I realize.You know, I'm not doing those things that bring me joy. I'm not going for my walk, my favorite thing to do. I'm not enjoying nature. I'm not listening to my meditation. I'm not being intentional and like making my morning coffee. And every time that I, that that happens, I think about what are the things that I've let go of?
Because we always let go of those things that help us first. Yeah. Honestly, you know? Yeah. I think that, I mean, this summer for you, you've been traveling, you've been on a road trip, and then you moved, and It's just been chaotic. Yeah. But I think even in the chaos, you have to find that time. Yeah. I was actually writing an article Today, actually, no, it was part of a chapter.
I've I wrote like three different things today So I was working on a working on one of my book chapters and I was talking about When my dad passed away in May of 2019 That we were scheduled my husband Myself and our oldest son. We were scheduled to go to Peru to go hike the Inca Trail and we went and And I definitely got feedback from people saying really you're going to go do something like that after your dad just passed away and I said you know what the last month of his life I spent sleeping in their room like literally sleeping in a bed in their room to take care to make sure I was there for my mom to help my mom all these things and that was really the feedback I got was that oh you're going to do something fun your dad just passed away and Again, my thing, and I will stick to it every day, is that you need to take care of yourself.
And in that time, when my dad was really sick, I did not take care of myself. I was completely focused on everything to do with him. I was completely out of shape when we went to hike the Inca Trail, and um, but I made it. And I made that commitment to myself. I made that commitment to my dad. He didn't want us to sit around and wallow in our sorrows.
He wanted us to move on. And so I'm writing about it because, to me, it's so important as an example of that. whatever's happening in your life, you still have to take care of yourself. That's such a beautiful example. Thank you for sharing that. Absolutely. Soobviously we're very familiar with the healthcare field.
My husband's a surgeon. My parents were both physicians. My sister's a physician. So with burnout. And none of your kids. And none of my kids because of this exact reason, because it is such a, It's such a high field for burnout and I can tell you like you mentioned earlier about putting 100 percent of yourself into practicing medicine and how that is essentially leads to burn it.
I mean, I think of dad as a prime example for that. He kept operating until he literally physically could not operate anymore with his leg. Yeah, he had a, he had a herniated disc and he was like, no, I got, I can't cancel on my patients. I can't cancel on my patients. And so he's about a month out from surgery.
He's still not feeling great. And um, it's seven 30. He's not home yet. You know, he left this morning at five 30 and he doesn't talk about it as burnout, but I mean, so my question is with, with it being burnout being such a high. rate in the medical field, like what, what keeps you going in it? Like what has led you to stay?
Because it's, it is really hard. You know, and it's really hard for so many reasons. And I think one of the things that frustrates me so much is that the system does not help us out at all. And that has been such a source of frustration for me because it feels so incredibly. hypocritical. We are the healthcare system.
We know the research. We know we're, we're basically preaching to our patients all day long and telling them how to take care of themselves. And yet we're not taking our own medical advice and turning it on ourselves. And that was a realization that I had that felt soridiculous. Yeah. We are, we, we are intelligent, highly educated healthcare professionals.
Why are we struggling? We not only, we know better, we know better than this, so why do we not do better? And I think, you know, I, I look at burnout as the accumulation of the consequences of neglecting yourself. And when you think about it that way, the solution is simple. You have to just choose yourself again, choose yourself.
I, I came up with this phrase, self care before patient care, kind of poppy. Um, but I like it. It's true. It's true. If we do not take care of ourselves, and we know how to take care of ourselves, because again, we're highly trained medical professionals, then we could make a devastating patient error, we could it.
Forget something we and patients lives are literally on the line in this situation Yeah, and so in that case it actually is quite selfish to not take care of yourself Because you could cause harm by Not doing so. Yeah, I totally agree and I see it. I mean when my husband was in residency they They didn't have an hour limit.
Oh my gosh. I mean, the amount of hours that they worked, he was on call, in house, every other night. So every other night he He either didn't sleep or he slept short periods of time in the resident on call room and you know, it's like building this character. You've got to kill yourself to build your character.
And it's kind of like you're, this is like safety, right? Absolutely. There's no way. Have you ever seen those videos where, you know, they compare people that are drunk driving to people who are driving while extremely tired and the people extremely tired make exactly the same. Yes. Judgment errors, right?
Yes. I mean, your brain doesn't function as well when you're that tired. Yes. Which is crazy to think that that's like, how we think that that builds character in physicians and physician associates. Like the more you work, the stronger you're going to be. And you know, it's, it's, it's. A lot of systems of oppression that are contributing to that.
Um, we have a capitalistic culture. We have a productivity culture. We have a patriarchal society and this. Emphasis on this emphasis on proving yourself, proving your worth by. You know, perfectionism by people pleasing by this create creates codependency in your profession, because again, your entire identity iscompletely tied up just in that one part of your identity of your profession.
And I just believe that we deserve better. You know, I think part of the issue with the residency work hours for resident physicians is that. Those resident physicians are subsidizing the majority of the medical care in this country. We're paying them very little and we're expecting them to work. Now there's 80 hour work week restrictions for residents, but.
That though that labor, that workforce is providing a significant amount of the care to patients. And we still have such a shortage of healthcare providers. You know, which is why the field of PAs became a lot more prevalent in the past couple of decades because of this shortage. But the culture needs to change, you know.
Like, and then there's also this pressure of we even judge so harshly people calling out sick. Right. Um, where if someone calls out sick, historically, it's been like, are they really sick? I'm sure they're just when I think the pandemic actually forced us a little bit to actually call out sick. If you had symptoms, right, of COVID, because literally you could be a harm to your patient or your coworkers.
And that's the most ridiculous thing to me in like every field, the idea of like feeling bad for calling out sick. Why does anyone else want your germs, even if you're just coughing and sneezing? Like, even if it's just a cold, even if you need a mental health day, you need to be able to decide I cannot show up as my best self and do my best work today.
And that was in reason that was in school too. Like when you guys were younger, like it was, you would call them in sick and they'd be like, really? And, and we did a lot in our house. We did mental health days. We're like, you need a mental health day. Take a break, take a break. Of course you did. I love that.
The school didn't really know that, but you know, again, I'm like, It's private! Like, you don't need to disclose what type of sick it is, right? Absolutely. But the first time it was really okay was After COVID that they people understood then like, no, you don't want us. You don't want the kids there if they have anything.
And even if they test negative, they could test positive tomorrow. Do you really want them coming to school? So, right. Yeah. So I do think that has changed a bit, a bit, a bit, a bit, but I can tell you that when my husband had surgery, the patients were angry at him. They were like, wait, you're going to.
You're going to postpone my procedure and he's like, I can't stand up straight. So the answer is yes. Right. Right. Right. You know,it's this mindset that as someone in the medical field that you can't get sick, you have to keep working all the time. You, you know, you're supposed to be able to do everything and you know, too bad if you're sick, you still need to show up.
I mean, that's ridiculous, right? We're not robots and we're not super humans. But that's the expectation. Absolutely. Absolutely. You have to be perfect and you have to be resilient and you have to be without any,I don't want to say flaw, but like without anything that prevents you from doing your job basically.
Yeah. Yeah. And it doesn't matter the effects on you. Right. Right. So, but that, that is the expectation. It is. It is. So tell us about what you're doing now. So talk about your speaking because I know that your focus is on PA's burnout, like, but tell us a little bit more about what you're doing there.
Absolutely. So, you know, I've been on this journey in my career where it was my dream to become a PA.And, uh, to become a PA and work at the Children's Hospital in Dallas, Texas, where I grew up. And so I did that, and I, uh, got a job there, and it was my dream job, and I loved it. And then I started to experience quite a bit of burnout in my dream job.
And so I started looking for other ways to kind of diversify my career, other ways to get more joy out of my career and other things to do in my career. And so I really went from serving. this patient population to serving several other different populations. I started precepting students. So I would take a PA students who are in their clinical year of their PA program and basically teach them during a one month clinical rotation.
And then I wanted to share my knowledge of. oncology and hematology and teach other PAs what I know and love in my subspecialty of pediatric oncology. So I started speaking at conferences, sharing my knowledge with other PAs. And then I moved on to, or then I also started teaching, um, in the academic setting and became a professor and was teaching PA students created a hematology oncology curriculum.
For a PA program I got my doctorate degree. I did research and published in a peer reviewed journal. And I, I, I did all these things and was, you know, serving different, um, populations with, with each of those things. And I got some joy out of all of it and really enjoyed the challenge and,uh, allowing myself to try different things.
And, and, and, and really like teaching students was something that I really, really enjoyed. But found. The fulfillment in it became very difficult because of all the demands on an academic setting, like an academic, um, position. And so I started thinking about how much I've struggled in my career with burnout.
And I just, I, I thought back to The me maybe five years ago, who was in such a terrible place.And I thought about what would I need to hear? What would have been helpful to me? What resources would have been helpful to me in that moment? And really wanted to start shifting my focus to serving that person.
And that person is. A PA who is great at their job. They're incredible at providing medical care to their patients, but they're really unhappy. They're really unhappy. They feel exhausted. They feel like they're not enough. They feel resentment even towards their career. Um, maybe towards, uh, a lot of the inefficiencies in the system.
And I decided that I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to talk about it and be able to share those resources with The former me that was struggling with, with those things. And sothat's how I got the idea to, to start a podcast. And so my podcast is called a beautiful PA life. And it's the goal is to provide tools to help other PAs to find joy in their careers again.
And whether that is through some cutting edge tips from. The latest research on burnout or whether that is techniques to implement in the middle of your shift to have a little bit of a respite and create a little bit of time for yourself during your shift, or whether that is. Um, adding a different or seeking different roles as a PA, um, whether that's precepting students or whether that's, you know, like I did speaking at conferences and, um, you know, finding what is meaningful to you in your career, but also in your life.
And I think for me, finding the, the reason why I named my podcast a beautiful PA life is because pa is such a huge part of my identity and I love being a pa. Mm-Hmm. . I'm more than a pa. Mm-Hmm. I want to be the best PA that I can be for my patients, and I also want to be able to walk out of the hospital doors and enter a beautiful full life outside of the hospital.
Absolutely. That's kind of my story. I love that. Thank you. On that note, what advice would you give to someone who is struggling with burnout? You know, I think The most important thing when you think, gosh, I, I just, I'm, I'm struggling right now. I'm struggling right now. I'm not sure what is, maybe you don't identify it as burnout.
Maybe you just identify it as exhaustion. For me, one of the signs was, I was, I would get ready for work in the morning and drink one cup of coffee before going to work. Um, fill up my regular to go coffee mug with my to go coffee to bring to work and a whole other carafe of coffee to bring with me to work.
And that wasn't a red flag for me for a really long So I think the first step is really noticing that I'm not okay. And the advice I would give to someone, whether you're a PA or whether you're in any profession or whether you're experiencing this just in your regular life, is, my message to you is, it's okay to not be okay.
Recognizing it is the first step and admitting it is an important piece of that too. And my advice is, My best piece of advice to you in, in this situation would be tell somebody,tell somebody about how you're struggling right now. It doesn't even have to be asking them for help, but tell somebody that you trust.
I think that's huge because I'm a big believer in sharing our struggles for a long time. I kept everything internal and that was my. struggle with self doubt. I had zero confidence. I had zero self esteem. But from the outside, everybody thought I was fine because I just put up this facade and just acted every day like everything was okay until I realized I'm not okay and I have to be okay with not being okay and I need to talk about it and that was life changing for me and I think it's so important for everybody listening is that when you're struggling with something, you have to find a person to talk to about it because it's not just going to go away.
It's not just going to get better. You can smoosh it down, but eventually it's going to get better. Hop out. Like, yeah. So, yeah, you know, and I had almost an identical experience as you just described. And the tragedy of the situation is that I was working on a team that was incredibly Cohesive, supportive, kind, fun.
I was working on an incredible team. I wish that I had the courage to share my struggle because, because I didn't do that, I denied my co workers, my friends, my peers, I denied them the opportunity to help me. Hmm. Yeah. You know, they want, they would have shown up. I know they would have shown up for me. I didn't even give them the opportunity.
Yeah. I mean, that's the thing. I think we, we struggle so much. We doubt so much that what's going to happen. I mean, even going back to the story of telling your parents, we have these fears that people aren't going to be willing to help us or that they're not going to accept us or whatever it is. And then, so we, we're not willing to talk about it, but my advice is you have to talk about it because you have to, and it helps so many other people too.
Right. I mean, I know when I talk about what I'm struggling with, as soon as I talk about something, someone else says. Let me tell you my story and I think it's such a powerful way to connect. Absolutely. Ugh. It's so true. It's so true. And that opens up the door for that person to be vulnerable with you too, right?
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So obviously this is Mother-Daughter podcast, and I know I give great advice every day of my life to all of my children. Yes. Every day. Great advice. Sometimes not so great advice. Sometimes, you know, bad advice, whatever it is. But sowhat? What is the best advice your mother ever gave you?
And, Liv, I don't want to know from you because I know I get such good advice every day. But what's How could you choose? I know, right? So many good things that I So many tidbits every day that I say to her. Um, the, you know, this is such a great question and such a beautiful question. I think the mother daughter relationship is, is just so beautiful.
And my little sister just had a baby girl. She's three months old. And I just had lunch with my two sisters, my mom and my niece this week. And we were talking about. The difficulties of being a parent. And, and I asked my mom about that transition from, yeah, I'm the oldest. Um, so it was specifically in regards to me, but what was that trade?
I asked my mom, what was that transition like to, from, you know, The, the desire to protect this beautiful baby that you've brought into the world. Um, and, and she said that it is such a struggle. To balance the protection, the control that is innate in protecting your child. Balancing that with freedom and allowing your child to be and do.
And I think, I, I think about this in terms of my own relationship with my own inner child.Because at the core of this balance between controlling under the guise of protection and allowing, um, that sort of freedom, it requires a level of trust, whether that's between a parent and a child or whether that's My own relationship with my own inner child, and I have really had to cultivate self trust for myself over the past several years in order to build my own self worth, self confidence, and as someone who struggles with with so much anxiety.
I think the root of that anxiety is really not trusting that I am able to provide for my own needs.So cultivating that, that self trust, I think is, um, I, I'm massaging my mother's words a little bit, but, um, is, is, Is something that has been really, uh, quite a, an area of deep work for me with a lot of payoff.
Yeah, I, I understand it. I understand it on both the level of being a daughter and being a mother and, you know, really for my kids, I want, yes, like I am like mother bear when things go wrong, but I have to be able to let go and let them live their lives and trust that I've That I've done a good enough job that I know that they're going to be okay.
So it is the trusting in myself, but also trusting that they've taken away, you know, some of the tidbits of good advice that I've given. I'm sure Olivia has journals and notebooks filled with all the advice that you've given her. So she can look in the index and just say, all right, well, today is, uh, Yeah.
No, she'll just call me and say, what was the bad advice you gave about this? Cause I think I need good advice on it now. No, she doesn't say that, but inside her head, maybe there you go. So we always, and I didn't ask you Olivia ahead of time, if you have it with you, but I do have it with me. Okay. We always, we always finish our episode.
She has a calendar called.The Un fuck yourself calendar. I couldn't even remember the name of it because I try not to say the f word, but, um, So the Un f yourself calendar, if we need to delete that out, but anyways, It gives really great advice about getting unstuck and believing in yourself, and so, We always read whatever day we are at, and so, take it away, Olivia.
Okay. If you're looking to change your own behavior so you might see some change in another, that's a mistake. If that's your aim in all of this, you my friend are fucked. You change yourself to change yourself and that's it. Often, but not always, a byproduct of changing yourself allows other people to see and interact with you differently.
I usually look upon that as a bonus. That actually fits in so well. And that's the funny part is she reads something we're like, oh, that fits in really well with what we talked about today. I love that. I love that. It really is. You're, whatever you're changing in your life, you need to do it for yourself.
It's not about what anybody else thinks. And you have to be yourself. true to you. And I think your story exemplifies that being true to you, how, how great your life can be when you're true to yourself and how, and the byproduct is how positively it affects the people around you. This is so true. This is so true.
And I think how you do one thing is how you do everything. And I think when others observe that, you know, you, you are changing in these positive, healthy self. You know, prior, like by prioritizing yourself and choosing yourself, that's modeling that for other people. That's modeling that for the people in your life.
And I, I've seen that happen amongst my closest circle. And it's something that we also, it's a, it's a give, it's a mutual benefit to both of us, you know? I mean, it definitely is a great by product. Um, I think that when we're doing something for ourselves, a lot of times we don't realize Positive effect it can have on the people around us.
And not that that should be your driving factor because the driving factor should be taking care of yourself. It is the bonus of when you take care of yourself, other people say, Oh, wait, what would happen if I did that? Exactly. It makes it more accessible when you have an example of it, right? Absolutely.
So Rachel, you have been an amazing guest. Thank you so much for joining us. This was a lot of fun, um, for all of our listeners. Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Daughter Dearest Podcast, and we will see you next time. Bye guys.
Thank you for listening to the Daughter Dearest Podcast with Simone and Olivia Knego. We hope this episode has made your day just a little bit brighter and given you the inspiration you need to confidently go about your week. Always remember to be yourself.And don't forget to like and subscribe so you never miss an episode.
And feel free to connect with them on Instagram at Daughter Dearest Podcast. At Simone Knego and at Olivia Knego. Till next time.